So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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