his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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