There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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