I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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