Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
