the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
