I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
True strength comes from lack of pants
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
