never play flip cup with pint glasses
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
