just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
