I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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