Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
