Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
