Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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