I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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