I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
