I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
