i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
