We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
