I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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