Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
