never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
