hotel room ftw
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
