she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
