There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
