he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
