Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
