god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
