I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
