i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
