Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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