dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
