Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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