The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need to calm my uterus...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
