Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who died my cat blue again?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
