My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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