I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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