just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
