Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
