you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
