ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
