i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish you could order shots online.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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