My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
barbara walters just said penis...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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