Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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