that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
