I want to stick my p in your. b.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
