god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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