I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I sprained my soul last night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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