11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
