my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
