Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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