Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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