she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
