I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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