Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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