I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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