What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
