WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
