Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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