I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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